Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
