I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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