Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
