But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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