for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
