I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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