My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
