Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
