She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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