She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
