I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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