I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
