it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
