Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
