Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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