Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
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