I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize