I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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