if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
