I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
