she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
