I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Randomize
