im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
