That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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