his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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