when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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