you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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