Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
