I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Randomize
