if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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