So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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