i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
