a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I currently don't understand fingers.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
