Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
