Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
It's blow job season.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I want to fling myself into the sun
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
