Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
