I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize