I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
