Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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