She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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