I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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