thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
