This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
