If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
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