didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
