Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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