Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
