1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
