My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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