Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
