U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
