You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
