Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
