you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He has the fingertips of a God
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