i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
