Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
