My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
