Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
