I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
