i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
