When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
