I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
