The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
