girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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