I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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