Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Randomize
