the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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