forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
