it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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