it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
As shirtless as possible
When did we convert life to cartoon?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
